Kate Winslet plays a diva and looks a fool

TEAM CELINE!

Kate Winslet's career was formed because of Titanic which she only got the role because she fucking stalked the director (and probably slept with him) and now years on she should be celebrating its success but this fucking idiot attacks Celine Dion and her the soundtrack saying it makes her barf! She is actually a silly bitch. ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM YOUR FAT YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BARF!

THEY 'HAD SEX'!

He looks like Beverly Hillbillies.

Robbie Williams has taken to his blog to confess to a little secret he has been keeping from his fans, he is expecting his first child with new wife Ayda Field (I know I'm shocked too I always thought he would eventually come out!). The 38 year old boy band star wedded his 32 year old wife in his Beverly Hills home in August of 2010. And speaking of overpriced Los Angeles mega homes he has recently been seen touring the Bel Air manor where Michael Jackson came to his untimely death.

Does he even have £40 million?

He knew he was that rich.

Well apparently he does, in fact its reported that he has a net worth of £76 million (not for long unless he's insured). He is being sued by his former employers for undisclosed reasons possibly because this fucking arrogant twat sued him first for £1.7 million. This huge court battle would panic even the most cool celebrities (like Sly Stallone) but this fool is just casually filming MasterChef US in Venice Beach, gotta love that English work ethic pity it hasn't ran off on the rest of the population.

Megan Fox is soon to be officially a milf

She looks like Stacey off Eastenders.

A close source has revealed that Megan Fox is expecting her first child with husband of two years, Brian Austin Green. The source also claimed they literally just found out so we are currently waiting for conformation. 38 year old Brian already has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship with actress Vanessa Marcil (don't worry I have no fucking clue either). This kid will be quite good looking I guess due to its mother (not her father and I've only just noticed but why is she with him, he's 13 years older, not really good looking and not even that rich) and a couple of millions in a trust fund plus at least two homes in the Hollywood hills to inherit.

Bieber buys a baby mansion

Give me a terrace in Altrincham anyday. I'm not jealous, honest.

Rich bitch Justin Bieber has lately been eyeing up several Los Angeles homes and yet again it is reported he has splashed $5.515 million on a Spanish hacienda in a gated community in Calabasas, Los Angeles. He was also believed to have bidden on Ashton Kutchers rented home, but the philandering actor is keen to stay so placed a higher bid. The home was once belonged to Eddie Murphys ex wife and has 10,012 sqft of living space, 6 car garage, 1.28 acres of land, 7 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms. And I am not saying that the address is 25202 Prado Del Grandioso, Calabasas, California 91302 (in case anyone gives a fuck).

BBC vs ITV

Cunt.

I am positive that as we speak Simon Cowell is sitting on a large white leather sofa (to match his teeth) in his £9 million house in Holland Park acting smug over his defeat over the BBC. The smug twat earned 9.4 million views for the return of Britain's Got Talent, The Voice UK only gained 8.4 million. But this is obviously due to David Walliams, who next year should demand a hefty deal to return, he deserves more than £500,000. I preferred The Voice, Amanda Holden is one annoying bitch!

Tacky Tulisa is on the sue.

I was expecting black gotta be honest.

Things are going well for our tacky bird lately and now she's suing her ex-lover for being in the clip (which for the record is shit you see more on Shameless). Even though the wannabe rapper as claimed it was not him who leaked the video. She wants £100,000. She got it wrong she should be suing the people who are making it possible to view it online as they would be able to give a hell of a lot more than £100,000, just ask Kim Kardashian she will steer you straight.

The Beckhams have left the continent

It looks like a rehab clinic.

After two years of speculation Beckingham Palace is officially for sale. The Beckhams want to minimise their ties to Europe so have decided that its time to list their £18 million home in Hertfordshire and their £2.5 million house in the south of France (and I'm guessing its why he didn't take the football contract in Paris, Victoria has him hen pecked). They claim that these properties are unnecessary expense (obviously) and that their children are settled in California.

Someone shoots white stuff all over Kim Kardashian on film, AND IT'S NOT RAY J!

The victim.

Kim Kardashian was hosting a party for the launch of her latest perfume at the London Hotel, West Hollywood when an as yet unidentified Asian women flower-bombed the reality TV star. She was quickly ushered to a private room by security and then rejoined the party moments late looking even hotter than before. Her sisters quickly took to Twitter to defend their sister as did Guilianna Rancic.

The attacker.

The best piece of Michael Jackson memorabilia

Very oppulent.

... The house he died in. How would you like to be the proud owner of the house Michael Jackson died in, well if you have $23.9 million go ahead an buy away! Michael rented this mega home for $100,000 until his untimely passing 2 years ago and arguably helped this property on Sunset retain its value. The home has 7 bedroom, 13 bathroom, a seven car garage and over 17,200 sqft of luxury living in Bel Air.

And The Houston Saga Continues

Exhale.

Ray J has been busy again and just happened to record it, the sort of celebrity (not quite sure why) has been approached by the Houston family pleaing for him not to sell them. He obviously will. The Houston's claim that will portray her in a negative light, but she's kind of already done that in so many ways possible, crack, cocaine, crack cocaine? If a fucking no one like Kim Kardashian earned him $5 million, imagine how much he'll get from Whitney!

Fazer had a lucky escape from this tacky twat

It was shit, she should grab the money and run!

Tulisa whatever has sent out her lawyers to retrieve a video of her performing a sex act which surfaced on the Internet recently. On Monday is first surfaced and download cost £3.90, and whoever paid that to see this cheap, desperate, fame hungry whore should be ashamed of themselves. She is disgusting. There is also claims that she was approached during X Factor to release the tape and was even offered £500,000. Which she should have took and ran!

The Kardashian family are far too comfortable nude

Demi did it better.

In honour of Rob Kardashian Jr's 25th birthday his mother, Kris Jenner has released an image of her pregnant with him on her blog. The Kardashian household was obviously and dysfunctional as the Osbournes, which is how they have built their empire off Kim's sex tape with Ray J. Kris actually looks hotter now than she did 25 years ago, the wonders of plastic surgery!

1D get a Nickelodeon show, there a little old?

I actually hate this new type of celebrity.

Looks like they may actually crack the US after all thanks to the folks at Nickelodeon. They have a combined age of 93 years so will they really be successful as the new US heartthrobs? Maybe, maybe not. Looks like these annoying shits are making Simon Cowell a lot of dollars.
Zayn: Difficult to work with obviously has a big ego, just look at his time on X Factor.

Niall: Looks socially awkward and has very little vocal ability.
Harry: Has a huge ego and likes to think he is the original Frankie Cocozza, little vocal ability and just in general a twat.
Liam: Had an okay voice when he first applied for X Factor then only got put in One Direction out of pity.
Louis: Has the most annoying smile and doesnt fit in with One Direction, plus he's fucking 20!

Barlow is back. Oh.

Robbie got thin, Gary got fat, Robbie cracked America, Gary... Got fat!

His songs where dull and boring, he is dull and boring yet Simon Knobhead Cowell seams to think Gary Barlow done a good job judging the X Factor so has invited him to sign on for another year. Bring back the original panel; Simon (although he's an disloyal miserable old twat), Chery (chavy but easy on the eye), Dannii (who is the best reality TV judge ever and is a genuine nice person) and Louis who is a fucking legend (eat shit Cher Lloyd, it takes real skill to lip sync)!

George Clooney's dad gets arrested!

He looks too calm for this to be real.

Yes grey haired 500 year old George Clooney's father is still alive and kicking. So alive in reality as the Hollywood veteran's father was arrested for protesting outside the Sudan embassy. Which considering Clooney has made a documentary on the subject I am guessing its just a publicity stunt and within an hour afterwards the Clown was chilling in a 5 star hotel sipping red wine. Fame is fickle and he shouldn't be looking to Kim Kardashian for ways to stay relevant.

Ken Barlow is bad, bad man.

Deirdre still wears the trousers in their fictional marriage.

Bill Roache aka Ken Barlow has released some personal details we could actually do with out. He claims to have no control over his sex drive and claims to have bedded over 1000 women, plus Deirdre. This also led to alcoholism and numerous divorces. He obviously has a huge bank balance or knob. You decide.

Bobbi Kristina is marrying her sort of step brother

Will it last? Until the money drys up.

Long ago when Whitney was high she took over responsibilities over her friends son. His father had died and his mother was unable to look after him (I'm guessing drugs and alcohol if they are friends with Whitney) so good Samaritan took over custody, meaning she was high and got swept up in the movement. Anyway her daughter is secretly engaged to her brother and her family are concerned that he is just in it for the money, which I disagree with because if I was to get married for money I would go for someone with more than $5 million and someone not in the limelight as when the inevitable divorce happens you will become one of the hatest members of the public, just ask Kim Kardashian's second husband.

Tacky Tulisa likes her some bad boy

CHAV!!!!

Tulisa Unpronouceablesecondnameavich recently broke up with her band mate Fazer (not a clue of his second name and he doesn't really deserve my time after all its only fucking N Dubz) and now she's dating Jack O'Connell. Who just for the record looks as equally chavy as her and is a bit of a drop down from that Fazer. Thats it really: tacky Tulisa bags a chav!

Not marriage material

Feeling rough?

So it turns out Simon Cowell is all talk, literally the man paid a lap dancer £4,000 just to talk. Over the weekend Sico enjoyed an evening at Stringfellows nightclub and is reported to have paid a lap dancer just to talk. The 52 year old unloyal reality TV judge left the classy establishment at 4:00am. During the evening he bought two £300 bottles of Grey Goose vodka and multiple bottles of Sapporo beer and as ever he was just wearing his staple black t-shirt and unflattering jeans. I'm guessing the marriage is off?

Snookie is snooked!

Snook, ditch the heels.

Jersey Shore star (yes actually a star and no sarcastic comment, Snooki is hilarious and makes for amazing TV) has became pregnant with her boyfriend, Jionni LaValle. They have also announced their engagement (good religious family then). She found out she was pregnant some time after New Years Eve and immediately has changed her lifestyle claiming that she doesn't want to be one of those mothers in a nightclub. Congratulations Snook and good luck with the new reality show which am sure you will have now been offered.

You can't take down the KK

She's a spinster whore and he's a very expensive hooker.

Reality TV reject Kris Humphries has gave Kim Kardashian the chance to get out of her fake marriage easily for $7 million. I'm not a fan of the KK but I do think this fuck up is aiming far too high considering when he was actually on the Kardashian based reality shows he was just a complete twat. Plus the fact that he's earned $1.3 million from the marriage and it secured his New Jersey Nets contract worth $8 million. So he is just like her, a greedy pointless person who deserves shit! If this pair of fools walked into my courtroom I'd donate all their assets to charity and put them in prison for life!

The legend that is Adele has bought a £2.5m house in Hove

Hometown Glory reference.

There seems to be a lot of celebrity real estate purchases lately and they all are completely irrelevant (that is aimed at fame whore Kim Kardashian and that untalented young girl, Justin Bieber) until it comes to Adele. And after months of searching Adele has purchased a £2.5 million house in Hove. It is not as big as her current rented place in Sussex (which she believes to be haunted) but this one has an amazing sea view. She will be moving in with her new boyfriend.

Whitney Houston actually had some money?!

Whitney Houston has died (pretty much assuming everyone knew that), and has left 100% of her estate to her only daughter (and fellow drug addict). Bobbi Kristina will get portions of the the money in stages starting on her 21st birthday, then her 25th and then her 30th. Which the majority of will be earned after her death considering she only had about $5 million left in actual cash thanks to the love her life (crack not BB).

Justin Bieber has not bought a $10.8m house.. yet.

It was recently reported that teen superstar (each to their own) had dropped $10.8 million on a modern house on Lake Hollywood. Ashton Kutcher is currently renting the house for $50,000 a month. This has since been reported as complete bullshit he is however still on the hunt for two Los Angeles homes, one for him and one for his mother (MILF!) for around $14 million (he should look at Vanilla Ice and realise that he needs to invest and save money rather than spending it on frivolous purchases, property is not a good investment. Unless your second name in Trump.).

Shocking Stacey smokes while pregnant!

At least she's sober.

Reality star Stacey Solomon is not a good role model or mother, she has recently been photographer smoking whilst 7 months pregnant. Since then she has tried to explain herself to the people via This Morning, she claims to smoke around 3 cigarettes a day. She seemed on This Morning to be genuinely apologetic and ashamed of her actions but is she really in the wrong? My answer no she had tried her best to quit and has massively cut down so at least she is trying, so fuck all you haters!

Eddie Murphy boning the Braxton

Cellulite.

The title says it all really sort of iconic actor Eddie Murphy is dating broke ballad singer Toni Braxton. I'm guessing its due to the size of his bank balancing more than anything as his whopping $75 million could easily handle her debts of up to $50 million, with some left over to survive on. Eddie doesnt half like a bit of rough but then again its a massive improvement on Mel B. Did he un-break her heart?

Another fading star has faded away

He doesn't look too healthy there.

Singer Davy Jones most notably from the band The Monkees died. He was seen in recent weeks looking healthy (and overly tanned) until he suffered a massive heart attack aged just 66. The Wednesday before his death it was reported that he had been suffering with breathing. He will leave behind a newish wife, four daughters, multiple grandchildren, an ailing band and dozens of devastated fans (not to mention a dismal $5 million).

Celine Dion forced in to vocal rest by UCLA doctors

Don't worry Celine our hearts will go on, and on!

Iconic musician and Queen of Las Vegas, Celine Dion has been forced to pull out of her Las Vegas show for four months due to a viral illness and weakness in her right vocal cord. This is Dion's second show in Vegas her first being a huge success and lasting 5 years, and when it terminated Dion was eager to get back. Since her last show she has a had a wildly successful tour plus she gave birth to twins Nelson and Eddy. She will return to her stage on June 9th, her stage being the $95 million Colosseum at Caesar's Palace Casino which was custom built for her and her previous show. She is reportedly being paid per $500,000 per show which would suggest that she actually is ill and does not just fancy a break.

Justin Biebers manager buys him a hybrid for his 18th birthday!

No caption is needed.

Recently Justin Bieber was on the Ellen Degeneres show to celebrate his 18th birthday. He was also on the show with his manager Scooter Braun, who surprised him with a $100,000 2012 Fisker Karma hybrid (like this little girl needs another car!). It will take pride of place next to Bieber's existing vehicles which include a Ferrari, a custom bat man Cadillac and a suped up Range Rover (once associated with the upper class now a new money chavy runaround). The hybrid has a 2 litre engine, can go 0-60 miles per hour in under six seconds with a top speed of 125 miles per hour.

Give me a Prius any day!

Joustin Beaver vs Justin Bieber (my money's on the beaver)

I'm backing Beaves.

The makers of Joustin Beaver (a character from an app for Android mobile phones) are sueing Justin Bieber as he has attempted to prevent them releasing the game which he sees as a parody of his life. Which means he wants more money and you give him back his story so he can exploit his millions of misled fans or you release the game then give him the money. Joustin Beaver is a buck tooth beaver with a Justin Bieber hairstyle (which for the record he has no legal claim to so his team need to find a better excuse) who floats down a river on a log whilst people ask for 'otter-graphs' and take 'phot-hogs' (don't worry I don't get it either).

TEAM BEAVER!