Someone Needs To Stop Taking Marital Advice From Kim Kardashian!

She is actually a vile creature.

Sinead O'Connor has broke up from her latest (fourth) husband after 16 days! She even beats fame whore Kim Kardashian but I bet she earned nothing on Kim's $18 million. She had such a promising career as a short haired songstress but now she's edgy tattooed tramp who probably couldn't buy her way in to a record label! Well did we expect more since this bitch only lived with the latest victim for a fucking week! Anyway God help this poor schmuck because legally they can not get a divorce for four years! My advice to Barry Herridge is to take this bitch for everything shes got because she only married him to get her disgusting body and face in the papers again!

Out and Proud, Maybe Not

A bit close?

Twilight star (ego boost, he needs it after recent gossip), Taylor Lautner's coming out story, well more like rant in People magazine was in fact a hoax. Lautner's people have announced there is no truth in the announcement but can we be sure? He obviously wasn't enough 'man enough' for Selena Gomez because she's now with Justin Bieber, so, it kinda raises a couple of issues and not just on Selena's sexuality (Justin Bieber has a vagina) but why Taylor couldn't keep teen queen happy. So my theory is that Taylor felt so oppressed due to his true feelings so he finally burst like when Justin first saw Selena in a bikini and then he was told to take back the announcement as it could jeopardise the success of the Twilight Saga.

Father Material?

I blame the parents

The Most Dysfunctional Family of Reality TV is gaining a member! With all the excitement around babies lately I had to give the Osbourne's a mention, so when major fuck up Jack posted an intimate image of him and his buy a bride, which was rather cringe worthy. But you got to give it to him he's not as fat no more, stays away from drugs, LOOK AT THE PARENTS and the fact he has no talent at all. So yeah good on you Jack, an have a word with Kelly and tell her to get the fuck out of the public eye she's just vile and how the fuck she has the cheek to call Christina Aguilera fat when she's a fat fuck with the fucking talent! Don't worry Xtina, got your back any day!

Mariah Got Hot AGAIN!

Could have been bad

She's always been a hot mama, but now Mariah is officially hot, AGAIN! Considering her life you including a unruly childhood moving around a lot and racial abuse followed by an abusive relationship plus the whole early 2000's breakdown, you'd expect her to look more like Whining Whitney. So you could imagine all that bullshit and the majorly successful Glitter (irony, sorry I'm just a complete twat) could really age her but she's looking better than ever and she's finally where she wants to be in life a successful artist, loving wife and loving mother to her newborn twins Moroccan and Monroe. Well fuck me, some people do have it all.

More Baby News: 2 & Half Shoes!

Pity about the name like

I like to thing of 2 Shoes as Jedward but with a vague essence of talent. The newborn has been named Beaux, with x in honour of the X Factor (I bit pathetic like). Beaux was born on December 16th. 2 Shoes initially found out that Charley Bird was pregnant during their audition in London but decided to keep it quiet fearing that they would not get through. Seriously did they actually think they had a chance at winning? I blame Simon Fucking Cowell giving people false hope and then crushing them, except when its Frankie Cocainozza he deserved to have his dreams crushed because really he's just an annoying twat who looks like he has every STD that have ever existed and a nose which is spread across his face! On the subject of Frankie Cocainozza he should get the X Factor tattooed on his arse because he well and truely fucked the X Factor!

De Niros The Daddy!

Don't let the facade fool you.

Legendary actor Robert De Niro is a father for the sixth time. He used a surrogate an the baby had been named Helen Grace Hightower weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces. The couple already have a 13 year old son and Rob himself is no stranger to children as his oldest daughter Drena is 40. What is it with old people having babies? He's fucking 68 now so when his daughters 21 he'll be 89 and potentially dead, so that means he probably will never see her get married because who gets married before 21? Unless your Kim Kardashian and the potential husband is a millionaire. Anyway Robs no Mel Gibson, he's a good guy and has in the past spoke publicly about having 5 children to 3 women and how he keeps in constant contact with them all so basically eat shit Mel!

Another Day Another Dollar, Make That $425 million of them.

Your not that broke get over yourself!

Oscar winner, racist, drunk driver and general twat, Mel Gibson latest divorce has finally met its climax making Robyn Moore a very rich woman. So it looks to me like Twaty Mel will have to curb his lifestyle; flying commercial and it's probably the reason he's been seen around uber rich beach enclave Malibu in a fucking Smart car! After 26 years this bitch Robyn deserves a lot more coping with this nut cases mood swings, alcoholism and him fathering other children while they where still married. All I can say is it is a lucky escape for that Oksana Grigorieva who only got fertilised by this fuck up. Come to think of it I can't actually name a film that this fool starred in or had any involvement in other than that one about Jesus which I have no idea what it's called so where did he acquire such a vast fortune from?

For Once A Deserving Winner

Is this the next Jennifer Hudson?

The first series of the US X Factor has finally ended and I'm actually glad to say that Melanie Amaro has won. She by far had the most talent and am sure its done a lot for Sico's ego which mustn't be so high right now. There's been ups, there's me downs but what is clear is that Mr Cowell has a couple of arguably untalented acts he can exploit for a couple of years then ditch then like Shayne Ward and Leon Jackson, granted they where both complete bollocks but still Sico did fuck them then drop them! Coff coff (TWAT)! Now Amaro will go back to her hick town in Florida and Sico will be flying out to one of his many homes, most probably in Barbados. But actually can really be sure Melanie Amaro won because of her talent, or has the Fix Factor hit the US?

3T Meets The Jackson 5

Thank fuck Jermaine isn't there!

The First Family of Soul are touring again! The Jackson family in recent years have been thrusted back into the limelight for more controversial reasons than their talent. Most notably Michael and the accusations which arguably lead to his death but also Janet's fashion faux pas at the 2004 Super Bowl XXXVIII resulting in a $550,000 fine. Since performing a concert recently in Japan the threesome (Jackie, Marlon and Tito) have decided that they would like to tour again but probably with someone more well know than A.1., (I know I havent got a fucking clue who he/she/it/they are!). Anyway they want to do around 20 shows across Europe and little is known if any other family members will come along. As long as Jermaine stays the fuck away I think it could be a good show considering Jackie's vocals, Marlon's dancing and Tito's instrument playing.

When Reality Clashes, and for once it doesn't involve Katie Fucking Price!

Another controversial moment.

2009 American Idol runner up Adam Lambert has found himself in a Finnish police cell after a bust up with his Finnish boyfriend outside the Don't Tell Momma. Lambert is in Finland to celebrate Christmas with his boyfriend (doubt its still on). His boyfriend is the winner of 2007 Finnish Big Brother and he took to his blog to justify the little public fuck up claiming that 'celebrities are human' (obviously we not fucking stupid!) and 'love is not easy but it lasts forever' (which am sure is a common response for victims of domestic violence). It appears Lambert has a hobby of creating controversy wherever he goes as the last time this reality star was on the radar was during a live performance where he kissed a male backup dancer and earned over 1500 complaints!

The Fall of Simon Cowell's Empire

Cheryl Cole's Chav Days.

UK X Factor lost viewership to Strictly Come Dancing and US X Factor only gained half the viewers of American Idol. And instead of blaming himself 'Sico' blames every other fucker on the panel! He sacked Cheryl because she has a strong accent (but Steve Jones does too), he changed the filming schedule so Danni Minogue couldn't commit and its not reported that Nicole Scherzinger and Welsh Steve Jones will not be returning in the next series. Which I agree with actually Steve Jones is just a boring twat who talks too quietly and just generally distance (send Dermot he'll do a good job). And then there's Nicole Scherzinger who I am actually a fan of but I don't really think she brings much to the panel. You've got the sexual tension between Sico and Paula, then the competitive banter between LA and Sico and then there's Nicole who just looks a bit out of place.

Marc Jacobs Bang-ing A Porn Star?!

Great title, great smell.

Latest news of a fashion icon. Marc Jacobs appears to be dating Harry Louis, a well known porn star. This news comes a year after Marc dumped is old boy toy Lorenzo Martone.  Marc obviously has a taste for young Brazilians as this new fucker is nearly half is age. He's also a Z List celebrity in his own right (much like Jaiden Michael, although Jaiden has some talent rather than just getting out his dick) as he maintains his own blog (I don't advise you check it out immediately after eating its pretty, ermm... graphic?). Anyway yeah Marc Jacobs has got another boy toy basically.

Mutton Dressed As Lamb

Queen of Blackpool

Being sheek and elegant isn't something that just happens, ask the Kardashians. So when some football managers (give a shit which one?) ex-girlfriend, Nancy Dell'Olio couldn't get on a coach for four hours in case she had a panic attack for the Strictly Come Dancing Tour. So really shes lucky another contestant (Holly Valance, that Australian who had one vaguely successful song) is boning one of the Candy brothers (built One Hyde Park) and willing to offer up a private jet and Rolls Royce to and from. Back to the elegance and sheek, so this (wo)man thinks shes something special as she can wear two dead animals at once but can't afford to charter her own jet? Make the slut get the coach! Anyway whilst in Blackpool she strut around in her two fur coats trying to look like some kind of queen, but in reality she looked more like some cheap fucking tranny who came out of one of Blackpool's many tacky gay bars. So memo to Nancy: marry a rich man or live within your means just like Kerry Katona.

A kick in the Tits!

Classy.

After news of the end of Kim Kardashian's 72 day marriage it appears that there may be a few cracks forming in the Kris Jenner Empire. As the National League of Junior Cotillions (boring pointless people who have nothing else to do) have named her the 'Most Ill-Mannered Person of 2011'. Personally I think this is fucking hilarious after watching the wedding as compared to Khloe's wedding everything seemed fake and I even bet that it wouldn't last a year. And to top it all off Kim's best and very fucking desperate
golddigging friend, Carla DiBello has been named in Kobe Bryant's (worth at least $150m) divorce. And what makes it worse is the fact that kim has earned a pissing fortune ruining some poor fools life and then made us watch it with all the hype in the twating media!

Third Time Lucky? For Now.

The Queen of Trailer Trash

Yes its true the US version of Kerry Katona has announced that she is walking down the aisle agin for the third time and as ever the epitomey of class, Britney announced her news via Twitter. The next guy is Jason Trawick who's her former agent so at least this fucking loser won't want half her money when they divorce because he's already being paid by her. So this fool Jason proposed to Britney in of all places Las Vegas where she very famously married her first husband Jason Alexander who must have been a shit fuck as she had the marriage annulled after 55 hours. Then six months later this silly bitch married an even silly twat of man Kevin Federline, her backup dancer. The two had two children together and divorced in 2008 making Federline a very rich silly twat.

Scouse Brow Goes Nationwide

The Godfather of the Brow

Although Desperate Scousewives is nowhere near as popular as The Only Way Is Essex yet, it seems that the Scouse Brow is as some of the most influential women in the country have joined the trend. These women include the fucking future queen Kate Middleton (who personally I feel is very overrated) and rival reality star TOWIE's very own Lauren Goodger. So fuck the Vajazzle the Scouse Brow is coming! And as your probably guessing yes it is a very slow days for celebrity news other than the fact that Jodie Marsh thinks she's a virgin again because no sad no hoper as climbed aboard for a long time, but that has been since she turned in to a 'body builder' which makes her look less cheap but still pretty fucking disgusting.

Everythings Bigger In Texas

Who needs Kim when you've got Khloe?

In recent weeks legendary LA Lakers star, Lamar Odom has been traded to the Dallas Mavericks. Many believe this is due to him and his wife, Khloe Kardashian's (his hot wife) and their reality show which personally I thought was pretty fucking good considering the other shit on TV these days. Even more of a shock is that Khloe his leaving her bootylicious tight nick family to live with her new hubby in Dallas which am sure will lead to yet another Kardashian related TV show, which really I'd be quite happy to watch considering the real love this couple obviously feel for each other which is why their marriage has lasted so long compared to her sister Kim's wedding to basketball player Kris Humphfries which lasted a huge 72 days, which for a reality star that's about 72 years.

US X Factor Bitch Fit Act 2

Since the shock exit of Rachel Crow the US X Factor judges where recording for the Jimmy Kimmel Live! the star of which is self titled and arrogant prick Jimmy Kimmel. And obviously Crow's elimination was a hot topic and for some apparent reason Kimmel decided to blame Paula Abdul and verbally assault her and saying her acts had no talent and had no right to be in the competition, which is a bit of a kick in the tits really considering Paula's been in the entertainment industry since the late 1970's. Which led Paula to do what any self respecting celebrity would do and wiggle her white ass outta there and thus concluding US X Factor Bitch Fit Act 2.

US X Factor Bitch Fit Act 1

The latest life to be destroyed by reality TV is  Rachel Crow who threw the best bitch fit on live TV since Rosie O (big lesbian who you must know) and Elisabeth Hasselbeck (conservative bimbo) on their very-lady like brawl on The View May 23rd 2007 over terrorism or some other shit. Anyway back to the US X Factor after this Rachel Crow creature was voted out due to Pussycat Nicole Scherzinger taking the votes to deadlock after taking Paula Abdul's advice. Then all of a sudden threw a fucking hard core bitch fit, hitting the deck which was measured on the Richter scale and screaming like some wild animal being raped!

Like We Haven't Seen It All Before

Lindsey Lohan's momager officially needs to go! Or does she? Either there is actually some brains behind all that urm, beauty or Hugh Hefner finally figured out how to use a computer and made the 'classy' cover viral. As her latest Playboy shoot which she was paid a reported $1 million for was mysteriously made available online. At least this time she whacked out the old fire crotch for some major dollar, shes gone up in the world now she's not just a whore but a hooker. So to conclude Lilo's dinosaur of a mother has obviously released the cover in order to create a big fuck off buzz about the issue to encourage more sales because after all she is earning 10%! But she assures the media that they are done it a very 'tasteful' way modelled after her personal icon Marilyn Monroe.

Lindsay Lohan does Marilyn Monroe?

The One That Got Away

Seriously the Fix Factor has hit rock bottom. Although Marcus Collins wasn't the best singer or performer in the competition he was definitly the best in the final. Kitty Brucknell was obviously the best at singing and performing so should have fucking won then pathetic failures like Shit Mix wouldnt have won. Rhythmix or Little Mix or whatever the fuck there called this week (like it matters) where just generally shit I would have preferred to see Frankie Cocainozza in the final! Back to Shit Mix, well theres actually one who can sing the skinny blonde girl but with her is purple haired girl who forgot her lyircs twice, that annoying twat from Newcastle who you can never hear singing but when it comes to talking wont shut the fuck up then theres fucking Big Jesy who thrusts her way from their performances and repeatedly grabbing her crotch which is just generally vile and uncomfortable to watch.

The Next Spice Girls? Doubt it.

Would You Kiss This Face?

Now don't get me wrong I love Subo I've got Wild Horses on my Ipod but by no means do I find her attractive. Lets be honest she's fucking vile but the voice sort of makes up for that so its all good. Yet since not winning Britain's Got Talent it appears some sad fuck-up as took one for the team because in a recent interview the Scottish songstress claims that she has actually been kissed. But I guess I would as well considering the bitch has around £20million in the bank and over 300 million views on Youtube. So yeah I'd do more than kiss her if there was no pre-nup I'd marry her after all there is plastic surgery just ask Courtney Stodden.

Solomon Vows

Congrats to Stacey Solomon (X Factor Failure and I'm A Celebrity Queen) on your up engagement! Well to me it looks like we've found the world's first classy reality star because Stacey didn't sell the new to a sleazy magazine for an unnecessary price instead announcing it herself via twitter. Its a pity actually that she didn't find anyone better like perhaps do a Sinitta and sleep around with influential men like Simon 'Sico' Cowell and Brad Pitt then end up marrying a high earning financier. But when your 22, already have a kid, not married and expecting enough I guess you can't be to fussy. Anyway good look Stacey Solomon and Aaron Barnham on your up coming nuptials! Because your really gonna need it.

Aaron Barham (The Victim)

Someone Got His Leg Over Last Night.... Yessss hee diddd!

Harry Styles potential sex face

Yesterday morning 1D member left Cougar Caroline's home in Muswell Hill looking a tad shagged out. Their eleven and a half hour rendezvous was at least good for Flack who emerged the day after looking fresh and glowing for a change rather than looking like shit and acting like a twat and prancing around the TV screen. Although this pair have its age different they are tolerable and they've got nothing on Courtney Stodden and her meal ticker Doug Hutchinson. Yep that guy from Green Mile who you wanted to shoot and his new hooker of a bride. And you thought Cougar Caroline was a twat imagine waking up to this bitch everyday in the newspapers.

I know what your thinking and I agree she is used to being on her knees!

Fat-ima No More!

 

                                   

Olympiman Fatima Whitbread has lost 12 kilograms which coincidentally is what she used to eat per day in her Olympics days many centuries ago. She's used to steaming round a field with a javelin but am sure she was just a steaming with Peter Andre in the jungle because she transformed from Barry White to Ronan Parke with girly screams even Justin Bieber cant screech anymore! But nevertheless its still an amazing achievement to lose so much weight in under a month. And considering Fatz is now broke earning less than her son's school fees I can pretty much guarantee there's a fitness DVD or book on its way. SELL OUT!

Whats 15 years when he's a member of the next Take That and she's an old hag who's career still hasn't took off yet?

Cougar? No. Desperate fame hungry wannabe more likely! Harry Styles a curly-haired womanizer aged 17 and one fifth of future Take That and her, Caroline Flack aged 32 a presenter whose main claim to fame is being the presenter of the Xtra Factor (the program that no one really watches after the main show and hasn't been the same since Holly Wilaboobie left to whelp out a litter). So either Simon 'Sico' Cowell has told Mr Styles to fuck everything that moves (including fame hungry TV presenters 15 years his senior) or she actually has two brain cells herself and decided sleep with the naïve boy with excessively curly hair to give her the career boost after 10 years in the sidelines! Either way well done Harry you're becoming increasing wealthy and getting yourself in on as much pussy as Silvio Berlusconi!