MC Harvey has been smoking some serious shit

She must have the best dentist in the fucking world!

Cheryl Cole took to Twitter (classy) to deny any claims of any relationship with sort of gangsta rapper wannabe person MC Harvey. So either the Cole of Cheryl is continuing her norm and picking fucking losers as sexual conquests or MC Harvey has a new 'project' and wants all the publicity he can get or it could be to add even more fucking unnecessary publicity that chavy Cheryl needs especially due to the negative comment surrounding her copied shoe designs. Anyway I think its fair to say that former Girls Aloud singer and X Factor judge Cheryl has a type and money is a key attribut.

For once Jen beats Ang

Brad Pitt take note, the art of personal grooming.

Long has there been a rivalry between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie; Angelina was the first to give birth (54 million times to 64 million different mothers in 74 million countries) but Jennifer was the first to marry Brad Pitt which is probably why Ang will never marry the fucking freaky overrated actor. Anyway back to the story, Jennifer got hot! At the Directors Guild Awards she stepped out looking hotter and a hell of a lot younger with boyfriend Justin Theroux while Angelina looked frozen faced and face with yet again another boring black dress.

Nearly I smile there Angelina

Is Denise Welch having an affair? Probably.

At least she was wearing a bra.

The winner of Celebrity Big Brother was seen celebrating with her husband of 30 years, Tim Healy's 60th birthday in Alderley Edge yesterday despite the rumours she's been fucking party planner Lincoln Townley. Her behaviour at times may be inappropriate but is she inappropriate enough to have a full blown affair which could potentially destroy her career plus put her two sons from a rough ordeal involving the media? So no, I don't think she is having an affair she is just someone who just wants to have fun making her an easy target for criticism, just ask major cunt Michael Madsen.

The 'old bird with a great pair of jugs' WON!!!

If you've got it, flaunt it!

For once there has been a worthy winner of a reality TV program and it comes in the face of the fucking crazy, amazing DENISE WELCH! She really did deserve to win the rest of the house where just complete wankers (Kirk), pointless cunts who are good to look at but if you seen them in the street you wouldn't run up to them for an autograph (Georgia) then the annoying two face twats like Nicola and the tranny twins who share the same personality and have no fucking brain between them! Denise was the worthy winner so Michael and the twins can eat shit, just look at the ratings which have gone up 800,000 from last year.

Ferris Bueller has ANOTHER day off!!

He may need to touch up the salt and pepper.

Since Matthew Broderick married Sex and the City star, Sarah Jessica Parker he has remained as 'arm candy' accompanying her on red carpet events, until now! As now aged 49 Broderick is in talks two create a sequel to one of funniest fucking movies of all time Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Not only will this be rewarding for his career but also for his bank balance as it is highly likely to be one of the highest earning movies of 2012, which I can't wait to see personally. 2012 is also set to be a good year for his equally acttractive spouse is sure to have some sort of a role in Sex and the City sequel. Its a good year for the Broderick Parkers. Calm down dear, it's only a commercial!

Demi ain't looking so good

Would you divorce Demi Moore?

Horny cougar Demi Moore was recently admitted to hospital for anorexic tendencies (don't worry I have no fucking clue whats it means either) and more drug abuse. It is believed that Demi had inhaled laughing gas probably to get over her recent divorce to very overrated Ashton Kutcher (that annoying twat who stole Charlie Sheen's role on Two and a Half Men). Not sure why she's to bothered really as she is one hot 49 year old, with a lot of money who could easily get another much younger husband hopefully one who is less of an attention seeker and with less of a fucking ego. Kutcher was recently seen leaving a Brazilian nightclub and generally acting like a cunt towards the situation and just blanking the reporters, well done Demi Moore you got away from this silly fool!

'Chelsea Handler slept her way to the top'

I'm a fan but, she looks slightly like Miss Piggy, oink oink!

Joan Rivers who is a modern day pioneer, who pioneer the way for generations of female comics, like Chelsea Handler who is just annoying and tells the same unfunny jokes all the fucking time! Joan also called this copycat cunt a 'whore' and a 'drunk', which is kinda true considering she's made her way through everyone from the President of E! to 50 Fucking Cent plus there's the fact that her cleverly ghost written book is called; Are You There, Vodka? It's Me Chelsea. Chelsea only responded by saying 'what the fuck do I care about Joan Rivers?', which to me just seems like she does give a fuck or she would have came at fighting possibly with reference to her age (78) or her numerous amounts of plastic surgery.

So that was the attraction then Caroline?

Wait, how old is he?

An image has been making its way through the blogs which is reportedly of Harry Styles' dick. Although he had denied these allegations the evidence would seem to suggest otherwise as it has the same hair, build and more significantly the dog tag which Harry has worn for the past few years. Plus there's the fact he seems unafraid to whack it out as during his time on the X Factor, the sister show The Xtra Factor featured a whole feature and Harry and his love of being naked.

The King of Blawg Has Gone Global!

Next: World Domination.

The King of Blawg has spread across continents in the short period its been published, so much so that 40% of our audience is Russian. Beaten only by the UK.

Kris Humphries gets dumped. Again.

Suicides always on option.

Kris Humphries, basket player but by far most famous for being Kim Kardashian's second (for now, am expecting at least 8 more considering Elizabeth Taylor is her idol). Which lasted a fucking huge 72 days! The Anderson Group Public Relations have decided to terminate their professional relationship over Humphries affairs out of the court. Bollocks, it's probably due to the fact that he's getting all the blame for his fucking pointless sham marriage to a fucking stupid, pointless twat of a person! Kris Humphries its all your own fault.

I love you both and this will be pure H-E double L for me

He' batting a little high me thinks.

Yet again the divorce waggon has made its way through Hollywood now Seal and Heidi Klum are separating. And reports seem to pointing the blame at Seal's door as he parties too hard. I hope theres a prenup involved otherwise Seal, the talentless fucker will be a hell of a lot richer, between them they have a $20m house in Brentwood in a gated community, beach house in Mexico plus $85m in cash. I have a painless solution Katy Perry and Seal should get married and party all they like then Heidi Klum and Russell Brand should get married then adopt all one hundred of Heidi's children.

Senile old fool

That's some scary shit.

Once upon a time there was a semi famous magician called Paul Daniels who married his much younger glamorous assistant Debbie McGee, then he got boring and moved to Berkshire. Anyway whilst preparing props for his new tour (I'm not bullshitting it is actually true, he is touring!) when he cut of his finger. Then he drives himself to hospital! Which I find fucking ridiculous, how can he see of the steering wheel, plus he's missing a pissing finger? Since the incident Paul Daniels has spoke out to confirm that his tour will continue so everyone should go and buy tickets!

And then Denise gets her tits out...

I think the boob job would be a good idea.

I'm not really a fan of Big Brother but maybe I'd start watching if Georgia Salpa (that bitch who because she has a dark skin tone everyone thinks she looks like Kim Kardashian) did a Denise Welch and got her tits out! Anyway this Denise bitch is sort of fucked up which leads her to getting her tits out or crying as she trys to make polite conversation with some Z list actor, Michael Madsen (yep thats right, I have no fucking clue who he is either but he seems to be rather full of himself.).

AGAIN no one likes Madge!

Twat.

It must just be English people as now sort of celebrity Piers Morgan called Madonna's arms 'grotesque' during his appearance on The View. All I can say is that he found fame from being an arrogant prick and being involved with phone hacker (although he denies) and she's a talented artist (the original Lady GaGa) who is at least making the effort not to end up a dry and wrinkly old shit like him! He's gone so L.A.

Why does everyone hate Madonna?

Reg must be green with envy.

Although on paper Elton John and Madonna have so much in common for some reason Reg ain't feeling the love. He likes flowers, she likes flowers (just not hydrangeas), he likes younger men, she likes younger men and they both are some of the most successful artists in the fucking world! So why don't they get on?! Not only did Reg claim Madge had no chance of scoping a victory at the Golden Globes (which she did) but then his husband (who's name I don't know and be arsed researching him, he doesnt matter anyway) took to Facebook to attack her! Which is rather pathetic if you want to pick a fight with a celebrity everyone knows you use Twitter!

Is Scott Disick the most normal member of the Disick Jenner Kardashian Odom dynasty?

Hopefully he's more fashionable as a woman.

Scott Disick may be a recovering alcoholic with delusions of grandeur, until now. Robert Kardashian Senior's last wife has revealed that Bruce Jenner's first wife told her that Bruce was a cross dresser over drinks. Which obviously as a women who recently filed for bankruptcy she went straight to the press. AGAIN what the fuck is it with people attacking the good people, if you attacked Kris Jenner or Kim Kardashian then fine! But no he's a good respectable guy who actually is an inspirtation to young people yet he is talked about for his private life! If he's a cross dresser thats his business let him do what he wants in Kris's shoes!

Khloe Not So Kardashian?

I think they look alike?

It seems Kris Jenner's recent memoir release has had a domino affect as her late ex husband Robert Kardashian's two other wives have came out with some pretty cruel remarks. Claiming that Khloe Kardashian Odom is in fact not a Kardashian. Personally I consider this to be complete bullshit unless Kris was having a long standing affair because Khloe and Rob Jr are the fucking image of each other! Although in the past on Keeping Up With The Kardashian's Khloe raised doubts about actually being related but at the end of the day it is reality TV so therefore not real. Khloe took to Twitter to express her anger at people who are destroy the character of her late father and potentially destroying the dynamics of her family life. She should sue.

Millions of dollars of cash 50 Cent of class.

Jay Z could beat the shit out of these clowns!

Most normal celebrities and everyone else in the world have taken to social networking to congratulate Beyonce and Jay Z on the birth of their baby, But not this pair of twats; 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather seen in these images throwing unnecessary amounts of cash around a Las Vegas hotel suite took to Twitter to attack and insult Jay Z's new born, and just have to say the WORLD knows who Jay Z and who really gives a fuck who 50 Cent is? And if I was Floyd Mayweather's judge I would fucking send the cunt to Texas then death row!

Of all the places to get a tattoo of Jesus: the leg.

He'll regret when he turns into is bum of a father.

Teen sensation(?) Justin Bieber has added a third tattoo to his collection, a image of Jesus on the back of his leg. Of all the fucking places to get a tattoo of Jesus, you cant even see the thing! I could sympathise if he was like an old 17 year old but he's not when puberty finally kicks in and he starts to grow and gain muscle there all going to stretch, then he'll look even more fucked up (the hair). He must be taking advice from his Canadian trailer trash father, who the less said about that loser the better.

You can't blame Hollywood because you are not successful.

He was never going to be Cary Grant!

Child star (sort of) Corey Feldman is writing an autobiography highlighting him being sexually abused by two figures in the entertainment industry. GIVE A SHIT!? He is obviously going to try and accuse Michael Jackson because he can't argue back because he's fucking dead then this fuckup will try and destroy another Hollywood good guy and the same will happen to them. They will isolate themselves then look for drugs or alcohol to continue with their life then eventually die, and only then they will be respecting for the person they actually where! Michael Jackson was NOT a paedophile nor was any other person you want to accuse, this is just a failed attempt at you trying to repair your fucking nonexistent career you stupid fuckup, get off my screen!

Beyonce really was pregnant!

She'll make a good mother

There's been a lot of Internet rumours around Beyonce's pregnancy, but now there all shot to shit as she has given birth! They've varied from she's gone mental and having a phantom pregnancy or maybe she may have lost the baby. But throughout Beyonce held her head up high now as gave birth to a happy healthy baby girl named Blue Ivy Carter (its Beyonce and Jay Z, they can call their baby whatever the fuck they want!). I suppose some people do have it all.

More $$$ celebrity property news

Nice view

Elin Nordegren within recent years a scored a $100m divorce settlement from man whore Tiger Woods. But now shes back in the news for buying a $12m house in Palm Beach Florida, the knocking it down! This women obviously wants to out do her fuckup of an ex's house but she's going to have buy up a couple more lots to rival Tiger's $100m mega compound. She's came a long way in seven years, when she met Tiger she was a nanny and now she's been a trophy wife, fierce divorcee and now a multimillionairess spinster! She may have a brain after all considering her new boyfriend is Jamie Dingman who is heir to a billion dollar fortune.

Even better view

Well they'll need a nice place to rush back too

Like they deserve a £3m apartment!

One Direction or currently on their UK tour so there gonna need a nice place to get back too. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are reportedly spending around £3m for a luxury penthouse apartment in exclusive Friern Barnet where they currently live with the other band members. Friern Barnet is a gate community spread over 30 acres and previously celebrity residents include Ashley and Cheryl Cole, when she was still Tweedy and the infidelities all began. At least these little shits are planning for the future anyway as fame and fortune is a fickle thing and next year Harry could be on his way back to Holmes Chapel because if his fame fades Caroline Flack won't be a shoulder to cry on.

Looking for member number six?

One Direction have died.

At least they can put in a claim.

Well they haven't yet but there was a close call when their tour bus crashed, three have them have been treated for neck injuries. It happened in Birmingham when a car hitting high speed hit the side of their tour bus. They had been advised to cancel their next gig in Plymouth but they refused, (maybe they aren't annoying little shits after all). This incident caused yet another social networking frenzy, thank fuck it didn't affect my Twitter use otherwise they would still be the annoying little twats I previously thought they where. So luckily the next Take That are all good and will be pleasing female teenage audiences across the UK (because they are a long way off hitting the international markets).

Has his wife/ex/baby mama seen these pictures?

I am sure the ex will be happy about this. (I'm being sarcastic.)

Not only is this relationship a bit weird due to her looks and his age, without having millions in the bank, but the fact that his daughter is taking pictures of their beach antics. I looks fucking wrong if I was his ex wife, casual fuck that produced two children or wife I would stop his visitation rights as he obviously has other young girls to spend his time with. Since 2011 she has been dating this 'actor' Dominic Purcell who is 17 years her senior for reasons that I am sure you are struggling to understand.

King Kanye has issues.

He should be put against a wall and shot.

Yet AGAIN Kanye West is pissing people off and generally just being an arrogant cunt! His latest little outburst was over Twitter revealing the details of his new design company Donda, named after his late mother. His two hour Twitter rant started at 5:00 am and explained his basically ridiculous business plan for world domination and just really makes him look like a silly twat because he has no idea what the fuck he's doing, just the fact that its going to be the best company in the world. He even has the cheek to ask celebrities and wealthy people to get involved, as he has no fucking clue what he's doing and just wants to be a fucking legend. The difference between Steve Jobs and Kanye West is that Steve was an actual legend and actually knew what he was doing and this fuckup just wants an ego bust!

Does anyone actually give a fuck anymore?

She has to be at least 25% plastic.

Well anyway give a shit or not Amber Rose (that strangely hot bald model who dated Knob head Kanye West) is claiming that fame whore, Kim Kardashian slept with Kanye while they where together. Which is expected really considering she's just ditched her husband after earning $18m and he wants to take over the fucking world so needs all the publicity he can. Amber also claims she made several attempts to contact the whore but she was not woman enough to own up to the fact that she had been fucking Kanye West, who actually has no talent just a big ego. At least everyone seems to have moved on anyway; Amber Rose is now 'in love' with Wiz Khalifa, Kanye West is one more step closer to Kanye Kind and Kim Kardashian is a hell of a lot richer!

Preggers Peaches

Bob - Peaches - Sugarcane?

Celebrity wild child Peaches Geldof is expecting her first child with rocker(?) fiance Thomas Cohen. She had earlier announced her engagement on December 11th. This creature has been married once before to musician Max Drummey for a time period that would make the Queen of Bullshit, Kim Kardashian as it only lasted 10 days. And of course it was done in Vegas, which basically means you'll be divorced within a year. So I can pretty much guarantee a piss take of a name will be given that will make you want to slap her!

GaGa Goes Goo Goo!

The only Devil is coffee, give it up GaGa!

The most weird artist out to day has just became even more weird. The Intercontinental Hotel in London staff have reported to found GaGa's suite to be covered in blood, specifically in the bathtub. It is believed this crazy bitch is involved with anti demonic practises to protect her, which is kinda fucked up. GaGa also spent a lot of money (which she claims she doesn't know how much she has and has no intention to spend it) on state of the art paranormal investigation equipment which is used thoroughly throughout any venue before she agrees to perform. Personally I think this is just weird and either completely false and its makeup from one of her very twatty wacky outfits or she really is some crazy bitch who needs to sectioned.

How Dare You Accuse Lindsay of Partying!

I've got a feeling any judge will disagree with her, don't worry Dubai based party planners.

Party animal, actress (well... once.) and general fuck up, Lindsay Lohan may be heading to the court room again. Lilo is threatening to sue a Dubai based party planning company as they are publicising the fact that she would be spending New Years Eve there. And she believes this is bad for her image. Honestly. She really needs to sort herself out, there's not much more she could do to promote a bad image. Lilo's reps are insisting and have insisted that she spent New Years quietly with her family and friends in Los Angeles (which I think is complete bollocks, Lilo NEEDS to party!).

2011 Was Not a Good Year for Marriage

Am sure his new money fortune will secure his next wife.

I am actually surprised about Russell Brand and Katy Perry deciding to divorce, there both so fucking weird it seemed like a match made in heaven. And its reportedly due to Brand wanting kids and Perry wanting to pursue her career further. Together they have a joint net worth of $70m plus $13m in properties including two houses in Los Angeles and Pied a Terre in New York City, and due to California State Law Russell stands to walk away with anything from $35m to $42.5m and at least a house in L.A. even if they did have a prenup. So the moral of the story is if you want to keep your money and assets, SIGN A FUCKING PRENUP!

King of Blawg's Worst Movies of 2011

I feel abused after sitting through that load of shit!

1. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
2. Monte Carlo
3. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
4. Cedar Rapids
5. Jane Eyre
6. Rio
7. Cars 2
8. Kung Fu Panda 2
9. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
10. Johnny English Reborn

King of Blawg's Worst Songs of 2011

Liposuction is a marvelous invention.

1. Little Mix - Cannonball
2. Justin Bieber - Mistletoe
3. Justin Bieber & Boyz II Men - Fa La La
4. Justin Bieber & Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You
5. Rebecca Black - Friday
6. Glee Cast - ABC
7. Scotty McCreery - The Trouble With Girls
8. Taylor Swift - Ours
9. Selena Gomez & The Scene - Love You Like A Love Song
10. Jason Derulo - It Girl

King of Blawg's Best Songs of 2011

I think I'm obsessed.

1. Adele - Someone Like You
2. Katy Perry - The One That Got Away
3. Adele - Rolling in the Deep
4. Adele - Set Fire to the Rain
5. Beyonce - 1+1
6. Beyonce - Best Thing I Never Had
7. Beyonce - Love On Top
8. Lady GaGa - You And I
9. Lady GaGa - Marry The Night
10. Taylor Swift - Sparks Fly

King of Blawg's Best Movies of 2011

England has the best actors, FACT.

1. The King's Speech
2. The Lion King 3D
3. The Smurfs
4. The Iron Lady
5. Insidious
6. Bad Teacher
7. Colombiana
8. The Hangover Part II
9. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1
10. Pirates and the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

King of Blawg's Worst People of 2011

He's been paided to wear them (probably)

1. Justin Bieber - Being a sell out and cashing in on pointless products.
2. Katie Price - She dumped her foreign boyfriend because lack of sex. Do you blame him?
3. Lady GaGa - She copied Bette Midler and Madonna? Get a grip love we've seen it all before!
4. Angelina Jolie - Just generally annoys me; plastic surgery and just a fake fucking person!
5. Kim Jong-il - Just a twat of a dictator, not no more like.
6. Colonel Gaddafi - Killed millions and looted his own country, cunt.
7. Tamara Ecclestone - Billion Dollar Girl $$ is just not relatable at all!
8. Petra Ecclestone - For having a £12m wedding to a fat prick, you could do better.
9. Will Smith - He thinks he's fucking God!
10. Kanye West - Your not Karl Lagerfeld your designs have been done! DIE!

King of Blawg's Best People of 2011

Looking better than ever!

1. Adele (Obviously) - Had a rough year and still came out the other end looking hotter than ever!
2. Khloe Kardashian - Unlike Kim shes in a real marriage as she moved to Dallas for her husband.
3. Katy Perry - One of the best songs of 2011, The One That Got Away.
4. Mariah Carey - She's got it all loving husband and children and about half a billion in the bank.
5. Harper Beckham - Photographed more than most people in their lives and she's less than a year old!
6. Rebecca Black - She's became a celebrity for being talentless and hated.
7. Dita von Teese - An elegant style icon who is designing her first clothing line.
8. Jedward - Hated by millions but couldn't give a fuck.
9. Perez Hilton - Perez Hilton Superfan made him less of a twat.
10. Jaiden Michael - On the road to being the next Perez Hilton.

King of Blawg's Lows of 2011

Glad she's on the road to recovery

1. Adele had to have a serious throat operation.
2. Dannii Minogue wasn't on the UK X Factor.
3. Katie Price is still alive.
4. Mariah Carey lowered herself by singing a duet with Justin Bieber.
5. Ryan Gigg's Super Injunction gave Imogen Thomas a career boost.
6. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony split.
7. Frankie Cocozza is still infected with several STD's.
8. Kim Kardashian earned $18m off her fake wedding! (Whore)
9. Guiliana Rancic was diagnosed with Cancer.
10. Khloe Kardashian is having troubles with getting pregnant.

King of Blawg's Highs of 2011

Dam she hot!

1. Adele had the highest selling album of 2011!
2. Little Mix missed out on the number one.
3. Mariah Carey had twins!
4. Stacey Solomon got engaged!
5. Colonel Gaddafi was murdered.
6. Justin Bieber may have had sex.
7. Beyonce is pregnant (finally).
8. Sinitta went of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.
9. Cheryl Cole left the UK X Factor.
10. Cheryl Cole got dropped from the US X Factor.

The King of Blawg's Best Story of 2011

We get it, it happened one time.

The best story of 2011 had to be Justin Bieber fathering a child. How Mariah Yeater thinks that two nu nu's can make a baby is beyond me. If its true or not that's besides the point its just fucking hilarious, I just pray to God that it is true so this high pitched fool fucks off back to whatever Canadian hick town he come's from. But if it is true there's going to be a lot of broken hearts and a lot less earning potential for Madam Bieber. What the fucks wrong with Selena Gomez: she couldn't keep Taylor Lautner happy because he may be gay and Justin Biebers off looking for anything with a pulse!

The King of Blawg's Next Top Blogger

To all the writers out there the King of Blawg is offering you the unique opportunity to contribute to this controversial blog. No previous experience is required but you will be expected to write an article and find a relevant image on a given topic. It is also a unique chance to say what you really think of certain celebrities as I will take all the legal obligations. For more contact me via Twitter.

PETA GET A FUCKING GRIP!

She looks really cruel - Sarcasm.

Controversial activist group, PETA have named Janet Jackson the cruelest celebrity of 2011. First off I'm actually offended for Janet Jackson and pretty pissed that these 'activists' attack celebrities who will fight back to get more publicity for their pathetic causes which is honestly complete arse because humans ARE the superior species and therefore we eat animals to survive, so wearing fur is exactly the same! And how anyone could name Janet Jackson cruel is beyond me all she did was design a fur line, if she didn't do it someone else would (like Pamela Anderson who will do anything for money no matter how many PETA campaigns she appears in).